3 Ways to Stop Disappointing Yourself with People (365 Days of Spirited Living — DAY 311)
“Whatever it is you’re seeking won’t come in the form you’re expecting.”
— Haruki Murakami
We cause ourselves a lot of undue stress and take on a lot of unnecessary burdens when we create unreasonable and unrealistic expectations for other people. Of course, as human beings, we all deserve basic things like love and respect, belonging and a sense of connection. However, depending on other people for very much more than this can leave you disappointed.
It is important to remember that when dealing with people including family and friends, everyone is at a different stage in life. They have different opinions, thoughts, ways of communicating and behaving. No two people are the same and that’s what makes us special. If you want to be able to not only survive people, but thrive with them, you need to stop expecting so much.
Here are 3 ways to stop disappointing yourself when it comes to people:
1. Stop being disappointed when people don’t like you.
We live in an age where selfies are the new “it”. We take pictures not only because we want to record memories but also because we want people to like them. And we measure our self-worth by the number of likes we receive. Doing this can work for us and against us. If we receive a certain number of likes or comments then our self-esteem and self-worth receive a boost, at least for a temporary time. If, on the other hand, we don’t receive a certain number of hearts to thumbs-up then our self-esteem and self-worth plummets simply because we think people don’t like us. This is a devastating way to live.
In this wild world where everyone seems to have the goal to be the most liked or the most popular, one of the hardest battles you will have to fight is the battle to be who you are everywhere you go with everyone you meet. It is the people who stand up in their own shoes on their own two feet and proudly be who they were created to be that end up being the most fulfilled in life. Sure, there will be times that people will call you names, physically and verbally attack you, and try to mess with your mind and emotions. But that is all okay. It is part of life and part of being who you are. If everybody in the world likes you, you’re either a puppet or the most miserable person on earth. Stop allowing yourself to be disappointed when people don’t like you. Love yourself first and the right people who are meant to be in your circle will love you too.
2. Stop being disappointed when people don’t read your mind.
There are a limited number of people in the world who boast about their ability to read minds. But unless you exist in a Sci-Fi novel or paranormal fantasy world, people cannot read your mind. They can assume. They can jump to conclusions. They can invent something that they think you might want. All of which people are very good at. But they can’t read your mind. Unless you tell people how you feel, what you want, where you want to go, or what you’re trying to do, they will never know.
That friend you want to pick you up coffee on her way back from the office supply store? Well, you won’t get it because you never told her. That guy you think is handsome or that girl you think is in your dreams? They’ll never know how you feel about them because you haven’t let yourself give them the chance to hear it. That promotion you want? You’ll never get it because your boss doesn’t really know you want it. In life, you must communicate. Sometimes you will write your thoughts out, but there are many other times when you will have to let the words roll out of your mouth. You have to tell people what’s on your mind because they’ll never figure it out.
3. Stop being disappointed when people aren’t there to help bear your burdens.
It’s a given that good friends and caring family members will willingly help you when you need it the most. However, it’s pretty much a fact of life that you can’t depend on them to brush the dirt off your knees every time you fall. It is always good to have that extra arm to lean on when yours are too weak to hold you up or when you feel the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Sometimes that extra arm is missing when we think we need it most and that’s where we tend to get disappointed.
It could be that the person you’re depending on has their own internal issues or struggles and simply can’t carry the weight of your problem and their own. Try to understand where they are coming from and if you can help them bear their burden now like they have helped you in the past. Most people, especially those close to you, deeply love you and care about you and they will help if they can, but when they can’t, that is a new opportunity for you. It means you have to pick up your walking stick and climb the mountain yourself. Channel your own personal warrior and fight the battle that is, after all, yours to fight in the first place.
“Life’s under no obligation to give us what we expect.”
— Margaret Mitchell